Mindful Sex
How to reach orgasm more relaxed
Mindfulness – the word is on everyone's lips, and you can hardly hear it anymore. But whether we like it or not, mindfulness is an indispensable helper in everyday life, which is often full of stress, multiple burdens, and other unpleasant stuff. Mindfulness helps us to find our center again and to shut down our mind and body, which empowers us to be ready for new challenges. That is why mindfulness also protects us against stress-related illnesses of the body and soul, like increased blood pressure, migraines, cardiovascular problems, depression, burn-out, anxiety attacks – you name it.
My hobby? Sex!
Providing some balance in everyday life is super important. Without having fun and doing things that are good for us, we wither away. Work hard, play hard is a good credo – but only if we stay true to ourselves in a mindful way. For many, sex and intimacy are a relaxation that compensates for the humdrum grind of Monday to Friday and for some of us the "fun" that doesn’t stop on the weekends. Getting physical, whether alone or with a partner, keeps us healthy, fit, and happy. Cuddle hormone oxytocin provides relaxation to the body, reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and we get that wonderful I-am-loved-feeling. Feeling accepted (yes – even by yourself) is essential for a balanced (sex) life.
Mindfulness makes your orgasms better
Orgasms are an oxytocin booster, which is one of the main reasons we feel so happy, satisfied and in love after having (solo) sex. However, not all find it that easy to achieve an orgasm as the internet and various movies make us believe. Many have orgasm issues: trauma or other blockades, physical and hormonal diseases or simply stress – the reasons for not coming are diverse. Here, mindfulness can help to reach climax in a more relaxed, conscious, and reliable way. Even people who do not have any orgasm difficulties can benefit from mindfulness during sex and masturbation; being mindful can also help with erectile dysfunction. So how exactly is this supposed to work? Lay back and relax: Our 10 mindful tips offer you ideas and inspiration for the next time you need some relaxing moments for yourself or with a partner.
Mindful Sex: 10 Tips to enhance the way to your orgasm
Mindful Tip #1: Find the right person
Meg Ryan who played the role of Sally in the classic rom com "When Harry met Sally" made it hilariously clear that even skeptical Harry (played by Billy Crystal) had to realize it: According to studies, every woman fakes an orgasm at least once in her life and some of them get so good at it that even long-term partners couldn't tell the difference. But why would you fake an orgasm? With the right person in bed, you will not feel the urge to fake it at all. That is why it's important to have someone by your side who won't pressure you and lets you feel relaxed. Someone who understands that an orgasm is not necessary and that if you don't finish, it's not a big deal. There is no such thing as an obligation to orgasm. Patient, understanding partners who do not bring orgasm pressure onto themselves, or others are worth their weight in gold. Come for me, babe? No, thank you – and if I come, I do it for myself.
Mindful Tip #2: Make love to yourself – and make it on a regular basis
What makes sex mindful? No touch happens by chance, and everything is perceived consciously. How does the skin feel under my fingers? What does the taste of his sweat remind me of? How does it feel to me when I bury my nose in her hair? What happens to my body when she whispers dirty things in my ear? Even when we are alone, we should make love to ourselves and not just release the tension. This may involve the whole body, caressing and massaging all the sweet spots and sensual curves. Those who regularly embark on the adventure of being truly intimate with themselves will quickly notice positive effects – and perhaps the orgasm will come sooner than expected. Have sex with yourself as you would have sex with another person – then it may also be a rough quickie from time to time!
Mindful Tip #3: Find out what makes you truly horny
Okay, why is this so important? Because we need to be properly triggered to get to that interesting stage of tension – that tension that helps us to get over the edge. Orgasms do not fall from the sky – they are the result of tending to our own sensual body as our fertile soil. Especially if you have orgasm issues, it is important to find out what really turns you on so you can just let yourself go. And how do you find out what really turns you on? By listening to yourself: Remember the best sex moments of your life – what was so good about them? What about it did you like so much that you still like to think back on it now? Knowing what turns you on is just as important as knowing where your clitoris is.
Mindful Tip #4: Push the oxytocin button
Hormones determine and influence our lives. The already mentioned oxytocin is known as the cuddle hormone and provides natural relaxation. The great thing is that you yourself are able to make your body release it – the happy hormone is easier to trigger than you might think! Not only body on body during sex or the small but affectionate contacts in everyday life make us feel good, even simple social interactions lead to an oxytocin release. That makes us feel more balanced which is the perfect foundation for more pleasurable experiences, not only in bed. Giving and receiving small gifts, pampering yourself with a delicious piece of your favorite cake, even just thinking of others compassionately releases oxytocin in the body. Go ahead, try it!
Mindful Tip #5: Make room for sex in your head
Good sex starts in the head – your mind must be in the right mood. To keep your busy mind on the matter and not on the annoying work meeting or the unfinished tasks of the day, we must learn to switch our brain off. Regular meditation can help with that, and it can help us deal with stress and other potential disruptors. Just ten minutes a day is enough to feel more balanced and relaxed. By the way, you don't have to sit on a cushion and hum Om to meditate. When you are starting out it's enough to create small islands of mindfulness in your everyday life, for example a conscious cup of coffee: What does the steam look like? How gently can I pour the hot coffee into my cup? From which cup do I prefer to drink my coffee and why? If you practice mindfulness, you will quickly become more mindful during sex and orgasms are much more likely to happen.
Mindful Tip #6: Create a sexy atmosphere
Imagine cooking a fantastic meal, buying the absolute best ingredients for it, and then instead of celebrating the elegant dinner with candlelight and beautiful decor, you scarf it down in quick bites listlessly from paper plates. That does not do it justice, does it? It is the same with our lust: Lust is precious, and it needs space to fully unfold. So, turn off the cell phone and the doorbell and celebrate your body creating an orgasm-inviting atmosphere: scented candles, music, lingerie, drawn curtains – take whatever you need to get into a relaxed state. Enjoy the time with yourself or with your partner and let yourself drift. Who knows what awaits you?
Mindful Tip #7: Feel your own body
If you have a good connection to yourself and your body, you will easier achieve orgasms and they will also be more satisfying and pleasurable. We have good news for you: Healthy body awareness is something you can learn. Yoga for example is the perfect exercise, because body and mind must be in harmony. By consciously tensing and relaxing, you feel your own body and thus have more control over it. Pelvic floor exercises are also great to strengthen your lower pleasure muscle and therefore make relaxed orgasms more likely. Tension, relaxation, sensual movements, and conscious breathing – all of these are the breeding ground for relaxed lust. When you feel your own body thanks to mindfulness, you also become aware of your own needs – and with that info you can share it with your partner. This is best practiced first alone during masturbation, then together: How exactly am I feeling right now? And does it really feel good what my partner is doing right now? Do I just want to please, or is that me? Questions like these help us stay connected to ourselves.
Mindful Tip #8: Make yourself warm and comfortable
Did you know that cold feet can be a reason why it just doesn't want to work out with that mind blowing orgasm? Take out your self-knitted socks and put them on your feet! Make yourself comfortable and cozy under the covers – a hot water bottle makes the whole thing even better. Or how about a relaxing bath or hot shower? The warm water makes your body relax, which is more than conducive to pleasurable climaxes. You can also warm yourself from the inside: A cup of your favorite tea or a glass of that Shiraz that is waiting for an occasion will put you in a cozy sexy mood. It's getting hot in here!
Mindful Tip #9: Include little helpers in your play
Yes, you can use sex toys in a mindful way. For many people, sex toys help them to explore their own pleasure. Engaging with your toy is self-care and a wonderful time with yourself or even with a partner. You can try out different settings and combinations, explore and caress various parts of your body (inside and out) and find out where it feels best in a laid-back way. There are toys that are genuine orgasm buddies thanks to their functions: Heat vibrators like for example the Satisfyer Heat Wave Connect App, or the Satisfyer Hot Bunny Connect App can be heated up to 39 °C and make super relaxed orgasms possible. They are also waterproof (IPX7), which is ideal if you want to benefit from the positive effect of warm water. A nice side effect: If you use toys regularly on yourself, it's easier to integrate them when you are with your partner.
Mindful Tip #10: Take out the pressure
Probably the most important tip for living a mindful life: let go. When we do not feel the need to come and say goodbye to the idea that an orgasm is a crucial part of sex, we can make love freely. When we see an orgasm more like a gift, we are truly relaxed and can receive all the blessings that come. When we let go, we create space for pleasurable climaxes. Those who tense up, do not listen to their bodies and stiffen up may even come – but that won't be truly satisfying, relaxing orgasms. Sex should make you happy and satisfied. So, take good care of yourself, stay loose and relax – and get ready for those life changing Oh-my-God-YES-moments.
